Today I have to have an MRI. I had a CT Scan last year to check out a hernia from my c-section and they found "an ill-defined lesion" on my liver. An MRI was recommended for further evaluation. So, more than a YEAR later, I am finally having said MRI. I used to be OK with tests. After my second miscarriage I wanted tests, tests and more tests. They all came back normal. Then there was the test in February that my PCP ran after I complained of cold hands. The good 'ol A.NA test. The test that changed my life forever. The one test that ever came back abnormal. And diagnosed me with an incurable, autoimmune disease. And one of the bad ones. One that nobody has ever heard of and my mom still can't pronounce. One that is rare and you don't want. You don't want any of them, but especially not this one.
So even though my doc said it's nothing to worry about, the radiologist just wants to get a better look, I'm scared. Tests scare me now. I'm afraid of what they'll find. I'm afraid of the abnormal. I just want to be normal again. Wish me luck!
Friday, October 15, 2010
So, today on pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day, I thought I would remember my babies by starting my blog to help other women/families know that there is hope after loss. There is always hope, in life, I just need to remember that myself sometimes.